Feb 23 2009
Resentments in Addiction
Since I have sought help for my addiction, I have had a lot of questions about resentments and how to get past them. I know I personally had a lot of things from my past that I had been holding on to dating all the way back to my childhood. I suffered through years of abuse at the hand of my addicted mother, father and step-father. When I realized how many problems these resentments were causing in my current day-to-day life, I turned to some women in the program that I knew had similar stories.
I knew they had peace in their lives, joy even. I had some ideas of how they’d found it. I didn’t fully understand how they could enjoy those states of being. I had heard their stories, their childhoods mirrored mine in many ways. They’d suffered, but somehow they were ‘living’ where I was barely surviving.
They talked to me about letting go of my resentments. I didn’t realize how much I was hanging on to. I didn’t know that resentments could cause so much damage in my day-to-day life. I certainly didn’t think that forgiving those that had harmed me would do me any good. They deserved for me to be mad at them! Everyone should know what horrible people they were to me and what I went through! Boy was I wrong!
I thank my Higher Power everyday for the women in my life. With all the grace I desire to have myself one day, they taught me to let go. Holding on any longer would have completely destroyed me, my marriage and my family. The relief that came with acceptance and forgiveness has allowed space in my life and in my heart for a peace and serenity I’ve never known.
Like dominos, once the first resentment fell away, a hundred more rapidly followed. I shed years of negativity in a matter of a few weeks. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally, I felt lighter than I ever had before. That peace, feels like I’ve finally landed in the place I’ve always wanted to be. It’s what I was looking for when I escaped in my books as a child. It’s what I wanted to feel when I avoided conflict. It’s what I wanted to feel when
The only way I can describe it is to say if feels like home.
What have your experiences with letting go of resentments been like? I have heard of others getting over far worse things than I was hanging on to. It seems difficult, but what easy to apply suggestions did you take?
What works for me is praying for the ability to let go of the anger, let go of the hurt, pray for the willingness to forgive the other person, and to pray for the other person as well…not for anything specific, mind you, just pray for God’s will in their life. Repeat as necessary, which for me tends to be many times a day.
Usually when I start praying for the other person, I really don’t want to pray for them , I just know that I have to, or it will literally eat me up on the inside, I’ll walk around with all this crud inside me and it feels like my veins are full of poison. I’ve learned over the years, no matter how bad someone has hurt me, to pray for them, and to pray for the willingness to forgive them, ask my HP to forgive me for feeling anger, etc…and then get on with my daily life, move along, nothing to see here. I don’t dwell on it, I pray and move along, let God deal with it.
Also…we must forgive, if we want to be forgiven.
.Stevie H. - Chicago
Like you, the beginning of the process was the realization of how resentments were affecting my present life and recovery, especially my relationship with God. I reached a place where I was willing to pray for the willingness to let go of them. My AA sponsor told me to read “Freedom From Bondage” in the Big Book, and in the opening when the author says, “The mental twists were present before I took my first drink,” she had my attention. I started praying for the people I resented, whether I meant it or not. I prayed that they would have everything I wanted for myself. Everyday. Over and over. Until I was eventually free and quit taking the perverbial rat poison hoping they would die.
Roxie